Wednesday, May 11, 2005

Solomon's decision

God: So you left early last night
Damon: Well, yeah.
God: What?
Damon: I've had work today.
God: You left at nine.
Damon: ...
God: C'mon, give me the excuse.
Damon: Look, God, here's the thing. Solomon has a problem. He's good for maybe two or three drinks, then he starts getting bad. I like hanging with you, but C'mon, it's getting ridiculous.
God: I've known Solomon for ages. And the thing about people with alcohol addiction is that it's on the people with the problem to do something about it. It's on Solomon.
Damon: Well, yeah. But you should talk to him about it.
God: Okay, I will, it's just, you and Jesus.
Damon: Look, he'll always be your son. But I'm close to you God. That's just the way it is. We get along, and I like him, it's just. Look I moved to town cause we were friends, and I'm getting to know your crew. Maybe eventually they'll be my friends too, but right now I'm your friend and their acquaintances, it'll take a while, okay?
God: I know, it's just.
Damon: Yeah, I know, and you know, thanks again. Hanging with you has been great. You know everyone... Literally.
God: You see that Mena Survari just got divorced?
Damon: Yeah. Doesn't Solomon have an eye for her?
God: And she does like older men.
Damon: He's got a thing for the freakgirl.
God: And you know she's about to go into the coke and drink frenzy
Damon: For sure, though Chris Klein is single now, so who knows?
God: Klein likes the "American Pie."
Damon: You watch American Idol?
God: No, but Jesus does.
Damon: Good, I'm sick of hearing about it. I think the whole scandal thing is what they're doing to keep it fresh.
God: Maybe so. I bought the Clay Aiken autobiography for Jesus, and he got so mad at me.
Damon: Clay Aiken, that's such a great punchline.
God: You want to go to White Dog on Friday?
Damon: You know it.
God: Cool, I'm friends with some people, so...
Damon: Rock it.
God: All right, I may bring Solomon, though.
Damon: Fine, but let's have drinks after, okay?
God: Fine, maybe I'll call Mena.
Damon: A drunk and a fetal alcohol syndrome baby.
God: Match made in heaven.
Damon: rim shot.
God: Peace, and I'm out!