Wednesday, May 04, 2005

May looks to be a banner month

God: What's up?
Damon: Been busy, May looks to be a banner month.
God: Well, especially since you're designing banners now.
Damon: rim shot.
God: ...
Damon: You hear about Thursday?
God: Hell yeah, sounds cool, you should go.
Damon: I know, get my one sheet signed.
God: Awesome.
Damon: I know.
God: So what about the Katie Holmes Tom Cruise thing?
Damon: What about it?
God: What are your thoughts?
Damon: My first: So phony.
God: You think she's a beard?
Damon: But see, now I don't know. It seems so obviously phony that maybe it's not.
God: You're going around the bend on that one?
Damon: Yeah, I like betting the long odds. But in terms of his gayness, maybe he just likes having trophy girls around. I think he's gotten so far into Scientology that he's past sexuality.
God: See, Jesus is way more cynical about it.
Damon: But you guys aren't so crazy about the Scientologists, are you?
God: Not a fan, no. Xenu. What the fuck's up with that shit.
Damon: Still.... Cruise was great in Collateral.
God: We, you know me and JC and Lot, saw it digitally projected, and I liked it but Lot would not shut up about these gossipy girls behind us. We got out of the screening and these girls were already on their cell phone, so Lot went over and grabbed the phones out of their hands and broke them. These girls were pissed, so Lot made us run away. So, even though I liked it, every time it comes up around Lot he has to tell the story of how he broke their phones. By the fifth time he told that story, Jesus was ready to punch him. And you know how hard it is get Jesus that mad. Hey Jesus (what?) say hey to Damon.
Jesus: What's up?
Damon: Not much, J, what you got going tonight?
Jesus: God had to hit the bathroom, so he passed the phone to me... he's always like this, I mean it's not like we don't talk, eh, sometimes he doesn't like speaking his mind.... Anyway, we're going to hit the 101 around ten, grab a omlette, and probably hit the Well, but Lot's been talking about going to Giggles, though.
Damon: I'm playing poker tonight, get some stuff ready for the thing tomorrow. Last time I went out with Lot he got so drunk he got kicked out of Cheetah's for touching a girl's... look I was shocked he got away with grabbing her boob, but God's got some clout in this town, so I wasn't too surprised, but does Lot even know how big G tipped to cover that shit up?
Jesus: Lot's been like that for a while. I think he's got entitlement issues.
Damon: Wouldn't shock me.
Jesus: That was the front door.
Damon: What?
Jesus: I think God forgot he was on the phone with you. Yep, I hear his car.
Damon: Maybe something came up.
Jesus: Fair enough.
Damon: God was talking about the Cruise Holmes thing.
Jesus: He is such a gossip.
Damon: I know.
Jesus: Anywho, I've got a report to work on.
Damon: What?
Jesus: I've been taking some college classes on the side, so I'm taking an econ class. I think the girl who sits next to me is a stripper. She's got the nails for it.
Damon: High heels?
Jesus: Always.
Damon: Belly ring?
Jesus: Of course.
Damon: If you see her with a roll of ones, it's over.
Jesus: My striper-dar isn't what it used to be though. Normal girls can look hella slutty these days.
Damon: Since I favor the librarian look...
Jesus: Grow some stones, dog.
Damon: (laughs) Good talking to you.
Jesus: Back at you.