Monday, July 04, 2005

A Third of July story

As is the case around the country, a lot of parties were thrown all over this weekend, as a Monday holiday day means work, and often catch-up work on Tuesday. Today there will be barbecues all over, but more of the "four o'clock, have three beers and call it night" variety. I was at a fourth of July party with some friends yesterday at the house of a dude who's on a TV show and he's got a nebulous collection of buddies, many in the industry, others hangers on, and others just strange people who seem to show. I don't know how all these people were brought into the fray, but they all tend to come out for his parties. My introduction was that he was a friend of a friend and has become a friend. Though we're more like advance acquaintances; not true friends, but more than co-workers. As a fourth of July thing, there were numerous people swimming and some dancing, it was a right good time. But on arrival I went down to the grill area, and saw people I hadn't seen since the last big party though I also kept meeting new people. A girl introduces herself to me, and from then on she was flirting with me, perhaps because I said something suggestive when we met, though not intentionally. But she seemed interested.

A friend pulls me aside and says "You know her? She's a porn star. I've had some fun with her. She's a fun girl." In this was provocation. By right, I had to converse more with this porn star, and I told her that I've been stressing cause of some work related stuff, and she's tells me something like "Stress is bad... You don't need to worry." Which sort of makes sense, but I've got some real deadline material shit on my plate these days, and it isn't exactly what I want or need to hear. But she kept going on and on about how she doesn't let things worry her, and concocts a bad bumper sticker of a motivational slogan that went something like "Remember yesterday, live today, worry tomorrow." She said it like five times and thought it was like, deep, you know.

Sex, like many things in life is about weighing the pros and cons. Perhaps I had a shot with her, perhaps not. But to get to some sort of completion, it would involve continuing to talk to her.

The day involved a couple instances of cockblockery, it was a strange day; men have the habit of talking down "friends" in front of girls. This scenario, something I've witnessed too many times previous, makes me think of a loop of drowning people pushing down on the person in front of them to breathe. Rarely have I seen this sort of one-upmanship translate, but it belies the predatory nature of dating/fucking. As a relative geek, when meeting someone new I tend to stick to the light but interested banter, erring towards humor. That is my way in normal conversation, but it can feel slightly mannered when meeting someone new and someone I might possibly want to have sex with. But aren't all meetings of this nature auditions?

While chatting up a girlie, there was another gentleman who was of a heavier build who had a similar, though more "funny" kind of spiel (don't the quotation marks make it evident that he was more miss than hit, but that his punchlines were more obviously punchlines? If not, then well, there you go) - frankly it made me want to change up my game, and made me wonder if that is the MO of most nerds and ex-nerds. I think it is, we've all seen too much Woody Allen and probably self-deprecate too much. But what I tend to focus on is eye contact in those situations. How engaged is the other in what you're saying, because I like to segue awkward "I don't know you so we're talking bullshit" talk into "I'm learning stuff about you and I'm interested" talk, which can be equally flirty and less mannered, but that transition is difficult in a group setting and better for one on one. And again, humor becomes its own one -upmanship. So many games played simply to try to talk with girls, girls - who like guys - have more than likely made up their mind if they'd consider making out with you or not. "It's a strange world," said Jeffrey Beaumont.