Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Me and the Wife in a wife approved picture

That's as good as it gets for now.

Monday, February 26, 2007

Right and Wrong

Got DP wrong cause CoM got the ASC award. Got Foreign wrong, cause obviously the Academy liked the film but wanted to spread the love. Knew Eddie could lose, but was hoping Wells would be disappointed. Knew Departed could get it, but thought the Academy would, as always go Meretricious. Marie got a win I wasn't expecting, though Pan's got three, though not the three I expected. That said, I'm as good as the experts. Who isn't?

Saturday, February 24, 2007

Question for the Ages #2

Will Britney Spears's eventual death make the eventual release of her sex tape more or less erotic?

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Sax and Violins

I was on the phone with a friend yesterday, and they complained about the upped sexual content. I apologize. I figured out what it was. My day is routine. I get up when the baby needs something (which has become nearly clockworkish), generally crash out (Though sometimes I get online for a bit), get up around 7 or 8, go take a walk to the grocery store, either buy a Diet Pepsi, or get groceries for the day (optional: take the baby with), work for a couple hours and tend to the baby, have lunch with the wife, go back to work, start fixing dinner, eat dinner with the wife, tend to the baby, watch a movie or something we Tivo'd, tend to the baby, maybe get some personal writing done, go to bed. That's been the last four months in a nutshell.

Fucking is the only variable. And then this blog entered into it. And now Aili reads it, and we're using it to get excited about sex. Or she is (note to Aili: SNAP). So o course I write about the least routine thing in my life. Of course I do.

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Question for the ages

When you see a smattering of pubic hair in a urinal, do you think it's the day's collection, or that it all comes from one shedder?

Monday, February 19, 2007

My Academy predictions

BEST PICTURE - BABEL - I've got a feeling Little Miss is a little too small, and Departed a little too Genre. Babel may be a little too Crash, but I doubt it.

ACTOR: Forest Whitaker – Cause he's been winning a lot and O'Toole - though heady competition, already has one.

ACTOR -SUPPORTING: Eddie Murphy – Though Jeff Wells may be annoyed, I feel like that Eddie gets it. Though Alan Arkin could sneak in like a thief in the night.

The ZZZZZZZZZZZ (or Duh's)
DIRECTING: THE DEPARTED - As locked up as Mirren's

ANIMATED FEATURE: HAPPY FEET - cause real heads know that Cars was weak shit.

CINEMATOGRAPHY: CHILDREN OF MEN - Cause, how could they not

COSTUME DESIGN:DREAMGIRLS - Sorry we shut you out.



ORIGINAL SCORE: BABEL - Spoiler would be Pan's

FILM EDITING: BABEL, THE DEPARTED, or UNITED 93 This makes me completely unsure.


SOUND EDITING: LETTERS FROM IWO JIMA - I hope you enjoy your consolation prize, Clint

DOCUMENTARY SHORT - who cares? (cpeting those nominated, and good for you and shit)

Hanging with Sarah again

We had Sarah over last night. The wife is finally adjusting to our friendship. Also, it was an excuse to have my wife have sex with me. Sarah is one of my oldest and dearest friends, so - again - we have this great back and forth. The wife finally got it last night. At bit, or at least she was dipping her toes. Sarah loves Lee. Loves. So, basically, I got laid last night. Yay.

*Hey Aili. How's it going. Yeah, I put it on the blog that we were fucking last night. How you like me now?

Saturday, February 17, 2007

My wife and Britney Spears

Hey blog, I'm gaying you up again. Me and the wife have a long standing feud about Spears. I tend to defend her a little, but everything about her behavior for as long as we have been married has riled Aili. I mean, my wife hates Tina Fey, but I get that, I have a mad crush on Fey, and the way she shit-talks her makes it apparent that she's Capital J jealous of her. As HL Mencken once said "a misogynist is a man who hates women as much as women hate each other." Or at least that's my theory about her hate, it's totally an alpha female thing. It's funny cause wife's not really a nerdy girl. Though she does wear contacts (there's talk of lasik) and since we've been really together, she'll wear the glasses more, cause... well, yeah, I like having sex with girls who wear glasses. If the glasses are cute.

But the photos of Spears driving with the baby wrong, and all that shit, has sent my wife into an apolacyptic rages. And that I understood. Now Spears has gone and shaved her head, and when my wife saw that, she described Spears as a really really dumb cunt. Unfortunately this is partly because my wife has had to work with her at the office. But when I saw those pictures of Spears with a shaved head, my reaction was sadness. She's a deeply fucked up young woman, whose grotesque access to illegal drugs, and having (or having had) a lot of money has obviously been ruinous. I just feel bad for her at this point. She's lost whatever mind she had. Then again, the flip side of this is that she might have been working at a KFC until her meth habit caught up with her. She was never going to cure cancer.

Lindsay Lohan, that hate from the wife I get, and when you read about her supposedly doing threesomes... again, after Mean Girls, you figured she had a brain in her body. It's not so much player-hatin' there.

The Queen, or how Helen Mirren killed my Bonercrazy love for her.

I liked THE QUEEN okay. Here's what killed it: I didn't much care for the stag bit, but I get it, it works as a metaphor for her (last of her breed) or Diana (the hunted), whatever. But then to spend so much time establishing who the Queen is, and then to have Blair's character defend her, and then on top of it spell it out at the end makes it kinda ruins the whole thing. But ribbons on top are what get academy nominations, I guess. Mirren deserves her Oscar, and it's a shame Michael Sheen was robbed of his nomination. The film also understand that it's fascinating to watch extraordinary people do mundane things, because it presents the illusion of a window.

Mirren looks a lot like my grandmother in it, though. Since EXCALIBUR, and through such films as AGE OF CONSENT, CALIGULA, and THE COOK, THE THIEF, HIS WIFE AND HER LOVER I've had a thing for her. But dressing like a family member kinda ruins it. Thank god I met Mirren beforehand. I borrowed the DVD from my neighbor. He voted for the film across the board, which I found out after I gave him my verdict. I told him that I liked it a lot, though, so I think that helped.

I gave my wife a new oral trick last night. She's crazy for it. I knew I had to hold some things in reserve. She wanted more of the same tonight. Which I gave her. But I've got to hold some shit in check, and so I have to deny her some things in the future. Variation, you've got to have some things up your sleeve. Speaking of, THE PRESTIGE this weekend.

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

The Ideology of Writing

Dear Internet,

Hey you. How you doin'? I think it's totally great that you've given a voice to everyone who can fumble around a keyboard. And I think it's great that spell check has become so readily available. And I don't expect everyone who posts to actually have a point, or be coherent, or whatever. But I just read some really bad writing. And hey, I've done some really bad writing (wink wink), I mean I've been online, writing, for almost a decade now. But could I pass this along? You, the collective but not specific You, should have a point if you're going to construct an essay. You build ideas into units. Or you go about scatter-shot making observations, but in a similar vein of thought in the attempt to illuminate. Perhaps your ideas are unfocused, hey that's cool. But every paragraph tells a story. Spice up your words choices. Don't be afraid of using that thesaurus. Something Bobby always taught me: write like you're talking to your friends. Hey, maybe you're just a bad storyteller. Maybe you're not the life of the party. That's cool, that's cool. But maybe this whole blog, internet writing thing, maybe it's a bad idea, yeah?
Just saying, maybe it's not for everyone. I can't be that decider, but let it be known, the price of democracy is stomaching crap.


Saturday, February 10, 2007

Ironic Good bad taste, you're dead to me

I was watching Predator the other night for a Q Branch script I'm working on, and I realized how much I love Bill Duke's bugfuck nuts performance. I could say it's a favorite. But nowadays, if I were to make a list and put that performance on it, it would seem like a hipster thing to do, like I wasn't being serious about it, or that I was acknowledging my childhood too much, or whatever. But Duke going bugfuck nuts is surely one of the great pleasures of movie going. Alas, in a culture where people will contrarily defend Alien Vs. Predator, a film with absolutely no redeeming qualities whatsoever, and with films of my childhood either already canonized or rebelled against, and a population unswayed by contrary opinions on established "classics" (does anyone but the lamest get all persnickety if I said I didn't like The Sound of Music, or Grease, or Gone With the Wind - which even with the later, I will acknowledge isn't a bad film, just not a great one), the shit's worn out. You've got to dig hard to piss people off when talking about an established classic, while still knowing what you're talking about (it's easy to diss Citizen Kane if you're an idiot). I found one that's gotten me into some heated TOP GUN IS GAY type arguments, but it's a fools errand now. Now that people have so little good taste, which is - alas, same as it ever was - but with the dumbing down of our culture fewer adults go to the Gandhi's like they used to. Witness Babel's BO.

Going faster miles an hour... Gonna ride by the Stop-n-Shop ... With the radio on

I have little to no right acting the music snob. I like Liz Phair (though, honestly, being a fan of hers was sexually rewarding several times over in my bachelor days... I dated a stripper because of her, true story) and Journey, unironically.

But I could really give a shit about The Police. And them reuniting. I think I like Sting's solo career a little better, but they strike me as radio music. I don't think I'd turn the channel, but buying a box set or a CD seems ridiculous. It's sorta like U2, though there are a couple of songs of theirs I think are pretty good (and at least one is used brilliantly in FEARLESS). Maybe it's because both Sting and Bono have become such incredible wankers. I'm thoroughly embarrassed that Deborah Harry reunited with Blondie, but I get it. I get the Sex Pistols reunion (though they have about four songs, tops). I get The Pixies reunion. Maybe it's just because I've never felt alot of ownership of their music, or U2, or Led Zepplin or Pink Floyd, even if I've owned a couple of their CD's at one point or another.

Then again, The Police are reuniting on The Grammies. That's like sucking to the third power.

Thursday, February 08, 2007

The New Game

I go do something. My wife reads my blog. She then tells me what she thinks. Basically I have two rules about my blog. Rule one is not to piss her off, the second is to not talk about my kid too much. As a parent, all I want to do is talk about my kid. My son. I spend an hour or two daily just making faces at him. An hour. Or two. A day. I still get chills when he grabs my fingers, and I feel like I've got diaper changing down. Which is good cause the wife's going to heading back to her day job, basically the day after my birthday. We already do practice runs of my days. When people call, it's always about 80% babytalk. They could call to tell me they just got fired, 80% babytalk. They could call to tell me my house is on fire, 80% babytalk. Then again, at this age, what else is there for us to do but look after him. And I watch movies with him. But as I write reviews I could do the review I write that pretendsto be objective, and then what amounts to the now Pavlovian attachment I have to certain films. Lee (as he got nicknamed in Finland) hated, absolutely couldn't stand Symbiopsychotaxiplasm. Now... I gave the film a mixed review. Did I view it objectively objectively? But he loves the Bond movies. don't get it. Even Tomorrow Never Dies. Slept through Science of Sleep (which counts as a good, sorta).

See my point? But anyway, my wife reads my blog now all the time. She prods me when I don't update. She loves reading it. She likes it more than the last two scripts I wrote. And so you may have noticed some things I've posted about our sex life, and shit like that. Honestly, I should say this cause it's only fair to my other readers, that most of that has been code for her.

This morning, I go out to get a light walk in, and grab the one liter or Diet Pepsi that I allow myself, and I come back and she fucking jumps on me. I knew she read it. Then she basically said that the reason our relationship worked is cause she juked me into marrying her. That she knew the only way to get our relationship to work was to marry me first and make me desperate crazy about her. I call bullshit, but it's crazy flattering. Now that she's down in weight she loves jumping on me. She gets mad if I grunt too much. I will avoid another part of our relationship that I have alluded to recently, but those who have called, thanks.

Wednesday, February 07, 2007

I drink Artesian Water and have sex with my penis

Okay? Ketchup.

A full pile of reviews:
The classics:
Ali G
Mouchette: The Criterion Collection
The Science of Sleep

Springfield Rifle
Symbiopsychotaxiplasm: Two Takes: The Criterion Collection

The Grudge 2
Pocket Money
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning

All the Bond That's fit to print:
For Your Eyes Only
From Russia with Love
Live and Let Die
On Her Majesty's Secret Service
Tomorrow Never Dies

I went to Amoeba today, got leash long enough to head over. I joke about this shit, but it's truth. I had some stuff to trade in. While shopping, I ran into MICHEL FUCKING GONDRY. When I heard him talking to his assistant, I knew it was him. I said "I'm not going to make a deal out of this, but I just wanted you to know that I am a big fan." He joked that I wasn't buying his movie, but I told him honestly that I had it at home because I reviewed the DVD and gave it four stars. He blushed. I forgot to mention the J to him, but alas. I then bought HERE COMES MR. JORDAN.

On to the real stuff, I need to crash soon, but I'm still not on Pacific time. Over the last month, I've turned down sex three times from women who aren't my wife. Aili got an email (that, yes, got me laid) that one of her sister's friends was literally panting for me when we were out - like I said, the wife and I had to visit London on shifts, and I got a full day with her sister and her sister's friend Jess, who I flirted up a bit, but spent most of the time talking about my kid. Now, I feel sort of miserable about it, and flattered at the same time. The other two are somewhat less evidential, but it was there. But I was talking about this with Sarah the other day (who witnessed one of these events), and the two things that came out is that often I'm more amused saying no to sex than actually having it. I was like this before I got married, too, it's pretty bad sometimes how amused I am turning women down. I feel bad about this, but it happens. The other is that I guess I've never felt like a sex symbol, which in itself doesn't mean anything, but it's always led me to question why someone would want to have sex with me. But then she told me if I was any more arrogant, I wouldn't be tolerable, so it's a weird mixture of arrogance and pathos. Or, to be more precise, I wouldn't want to join a club that would have me for a member. Usually. Thank god I'm married. But also, having this kid is a pussy magnet of doom.

Monday, February 05, 2007

Home again

I took some Tylenol PM before the flight. I hadn't slept more than four hours straight since we left, and so it was awesome taking it, and getting about thirty minutes of druginess. I was quite obviously high as a kite. Aili can't stand flying so she was on baby duty, and she knew I needed the rest. So I took some before we boarded, and barely stayed awake during take off. After that I don't remember anything until we landed. It was Superbowl Sunday today, yeah, so I guess I should say that Swan was pretty heroic for giving us a lift home from LAX. But, all things, he owes me, and the traffic wasn't bad at all. I owe you guys a shitload of Journal links, so I'll do that tomorrow or something. The best part about landing and getting home was that once I got in the house, I took a heroic shit. It was epic.

Aili's dad died. He died Friday. There are some things I get to put on here, and some things I don't. You don't get to know about this, though. Aili's given me a list of things I don't get to put on here, and the last couple days with her father were number two behind anal play. I can tell you that she's masturbated while reading my blog, and that might get me read the riot act when she reads this, but because I have friends who also peruse this site, there are certain discussions she'd rather bring up herself or keep to ourselves, and I respect that. Here's what I can say: unless I decide to beat her, or put my dick in someone else (or she decides to beat me or fuck someone else), I doubt we'll get divorced, and I hope that when I die, I do it as well as he did, and as surrounded by people who love me.

Friday, February 02, 2007

Fucking tired

I'm still not on Finish time yet. Lame. I had a nice long chat with Mika Kaurismaki the other night. He made me understand something about America, and film goers. He said, or my wife said as it were, that "American audiences, they go see a handful of foreign films, and they think that they have seen enough." That, that clicked for me. I've spent some time on the internets, and I've always been frustrated by the person who loves The Seven Samurai, but that's as far as they go. If I get turned on by an artist, be it in anything, my first thought is to try more. It all boils back to Platonic love, a love I've felt for movies for a long time, and something I never though I'd feel as strongly for other humans until I got married and had a kid. and that's the sense that if you love something, you want to explore it until exhaustion. Most people don't love movies that way. Most people don't love that way. And as Jonathan Rhys-Meyers sums up brilliantly at the end of the criminally underrated Ride with the Devil "It ain't right and it ain't wrong - it just is."