Monday, February 20, 2006

Sometimes I have too much empathy

My mom told me a story yesterday that I can't shake. We were talking about our childhood neighbors, and the father who died of AIDS in the 80's (a story I recounted here) and it took on the subject of homosexuality, and how a man could live with a woman and know he was gay. My mom is friends with a gay couple on the East Coast and she recounted how one of them told her of his first homosexual experience, which was when his father asked him to perform fellatio. When he was 10. And then my mom added the capper by telling me that he said "He liked it." Blowing his dad. Liked it.

Stories like that get under my skin, perhaps because all evidence points to sexuality being more malleable than most give it credit for. Perhaps sexual preferences (like fetishes) are something we get in youth and are never able to abandon, as our earliest sexual experiences are the most resonant. And it's interesting because I've had many female friends tell tales of Sapphic trysts that occurred simply out of a boredom mixed with drug use. Many of whom are straightish these days. But men tend not to be as bisexual - but I think most because of the stigma attached. I've known some bisexual men, but they tend to be more hedonistic than bi-curious.

All of which makes me happy to married (until the wheels fall off, I guess), as my biggest problem as a dater is that I find it hard to close. I tend to fuck up the closing. I've had male friends (and in one instance a complete stranger) tell me that a girl was interested and I was halfway oblivious. I like to flirt outrageously and do nothing about it. Maybe because sex and relationships are messy, and I prefer the simplicity of an event. Dunno.

I shouldn't add this, but whatever, I got off work early tonight and Aili is getting home shortly. She expressly told me that she is H-O-R-N-Y, so that's rather good news... as long as she doesn't want to do it in the bed my mom slept in.