Ironic Good bad taste, you're dead to me

I was watching Predator the other night for a Q Branch script I'm working on, and I realized how much I love Bill Duke's bugfuck nuts performance. I could say it's a favorite. But nowadays, if I were to make a list and put that performance on it, it would seem like a hipster thing to do, like I wasn't being serious about it, or that I was acknowledging my childhood too much, or whatever. But Duke going bugfuck nuts is surely one of the great pleasures of movie going. Alas, in a culture where people will contrarily defend Alien Vs. Predator, a film with absolutely no redeeming qualities whatsoever, and with films of my childhood either already canonized or rebelled against, and a population unswayed by contrary opinions on established "classics" (does anyone but the lamest get all persnickety if I said I didn't like The Sound of Music, or Grease, or Gone With the Wind - which even with the later, I will acknowledge isn't a bad film, just not a great one), the shit's worn out. You've got to dig hard to piss people off when talking about an established classic, while still knowing what you're talking about (it's easy to diss Citizen Kane if you're an idiot). I found one that's gotten me into some heated TOP GUN IS GAY type arguments, but it's a fools errand now. Now that people have so little good taste, which is - alas, same as it ever was - but with the dumbing down of our culture fewer adults go to the Gandhi's like they used to. Witness Babel's BO.

What I learned today

Japanese and South Korean kids are fucked up

Altman is no more

Most of my posters are in the garage. Covered, looked after, but I've got a couple of my honeys up. One is McCabe and Mrs. Miller. It was signed by Robert Altman, who I met in 1999. Altman was promoting Cookie's Fortune, one of the okay but not great films he's made in the last couple years (less than Gosford Park, more than Dr. T, I'd reckon). We talked about posters, mostly because I was so fucking intimidated, but he was calming and mentioned that one of his nephews was named as I was.

I've always thought of Altman as the stoner version of Howard Hakws, in that he conquered every genre: musical, western, noir, horror, science fiction, war, even teen nonsense, to which Altman put his curious stamp. There is a strong case to be made that Altman is the director for the second half of the 20th century, and when you stack up the features, few compare.

Plus he showed that Julianne Moore's carpet match the drapes.

Says it all to me, really.

What an exciting election, no?

Watching the United 93 supplements

An idea for a not great film, but interesting nonetheless: An actor/actress playing someone's husband/wife in a recreation of a tragedy ends up fucking/in a relationship with their widow/widower.

Unexpected

There is evidence that I am sexier than other people

Expected: The baby's due in a week. I haven't had a lot of time. Or sleep. There's a lot I haven't covered, The Departed, fucking in the baby's room, cutting in line while we waited for Departed (the short story, my very pregnant wife asked to sit in the lobby and then we got our pick of the seats. I told her I should get her pregnant more often after that, and then she hit me). Etc. etc. More soon.

People hundred of years ago were S-M-R-T, smart!

"And now," I said, "let me show in a figure how far our nature is enlightened or unenlightened: --Behold! human beings living in a underground cave, which has a mouth open towards the light and reaching all along the cave; here they have been from their childhood, and have their legs and necks chained so that they cannot move, and can only see before them, being prevented by the chains from turning round their heads. Above and behind them a fire is blazing at a distance, and between the fire and the prisoners there is a raised way; and you will see, if you look, a low wall built along the way, like the screen which marionette players have in front of them, over which they show the puppets."
"I see."
"And do you see," I said, "men passing along the wall carrying all sorts of vessels, and statues and figures of animals made of wood and stone and various materials, which appear over the wall? Some of them are talking, others silent."
"You have shown me a strange image, and they are strange prisoners."
"Like ourselves," I replied; "and they see only their own shadows, or the shadows of one another, which the fire throws on the opposite wall of the cave?"
"True," he said; "how could they see anything but the shadows if they were never allowed to move their heads?"
"And of the objects which are being carried in like manner they would only see the shadows?"
"Yes."
"And if they were able to converse with one another, would they not suppose that they were naming what was actually before them?"
"Very true."
"And suppose further that the prison had an echo which came from the other side, would they not be sure to fancy when one of the passers-by spoke that the voice which they heard came from the passing shadow?"
"No question."
"To them," I said, "the truth would be literally nothing but the shadows of the images."
"That is certain."
"And now look again, and see what will naturally follow if the prisoners are released and disabused of their error. At first, when any of them is liberated and compelled suddenly to stand up and turn his neck round and walk and look towards the light, he will suffer sharp pains; the glare will distress him, and he will be unable to see the realities of which in his former state he had seen the shadows; and then conceive some one saying to him, that what he saw before was an illusion, but that now, when he is approaching nearer to being and his eye is turned towards more real existence, he has a clearer vision, -what will be his reply? And you may further imagine that his instructor is pointing to the objects as they pass and requiring him to name them, -will he not be perplexed? Will he not fancy that the shadows which he formerly saw are truer than the objects which are now shown to him?"
"Far truer."
"And if he is compelled to look straight at the light, will he not have a pain in his eyes which will make him turn away to take and take in the objects of vision which he can see, and which he will conceive to be in reality clearer than the things which are now being shown to him?"
"True, he now."
"And suppose once more, that he is reluctantly dragged up a steep and rugged ascent, and held fast until he 's forced into the presence of the sun himself, is he not likely to be pained and irritated? When he approaches the light his eyes will be dazzled, and he will not be able to see anything at all of what are now called realities."
"Not all in a moment," he said.
"He will require to grow accustomed to the sight of the upper world. And first he will see the shadows best, next the reflections of men and other objects in the water, and then the objects themselves; then he will gaze upon the light of the moon and the stars and the spangled heaven; and he will see the sky and the stars by night better than the sun or the light of the sun by day?"
"Certainly."
"Last of he will be able to see the sun, and not mere reflections of him in the water, but he will see him in his own proper place, and not in another; and he will contemplate him as he is."
"Certainly."
"He will then proceed to argue that this is he who gives the season and the years, and is the guardian of all that is in the visible world, and in a certain way the cause of all things which he and his fellows have been accustomed to behold?"
"Clearly," he said, "he would first see the sun and then reason about him."
"And when he remembered his old habitation, and the wisdom of the cave and his fellow-prisoners, do you not suppose that he would felicitate himself on the change, and pity them?"
"Certainly, he would."
"And if they were in the habit of conferring honors among themselves on those who were quickest to observe the passing shadows and to remark which of them went before, and which followed after, and which were together; and who were therefore best able to draw conclusions as to the future, do you think that he would care for such honors and glories, or envy the possessors of them? Would he not say with Homer, Better to be the poor servant of a poor master, and to endure anything, rather than think as they do and live after their manner?"
"Yes, I think that he would rather suffer anything than entertain these false notions and live in this miserable manner. "
"Imagine once more," I said, "such an one coming suddenly out of the sun to be replaced in his old situation; would he not be certain to have his eyes full of darkness?"
"To be sure."
"And if there were a contest, and he had to compete in measuring the shadows with the prisoners who had never moved out of the cave, while his sight was still weak, and before his eyes had become steady (and the time which would be needed to acquire this new habit of sight might be very considerable) would he not be ridiculous? Men would say of him that up he went and down he came without his eyes; and that it was better not even to think of ascending; and if any one tried to loose another and lead him up to the light, let them only catch the offender, and they would put him to death."
"No question."
"This entire allegory," I said, "you may now append, dear Glaucon, to the previous argument; the prison-house is the world of sight, the light of the fire is the sun, and you will not misapprehend me if you interpret the journey upwards to be the ascent of the soul into the intellectual world according to my poor belief, which, at your desire, I have expressed whether rightly or wrongly God knows. But, whether true or false, my opinion is that in the world of knowledge the idea of good appears last of all, and is seen only with an effort; and, when seen, is also inferred to be the universal author of all things beautiful and right, parent of light and of the lord of light in this visible world, and the immediate source of reason and truth in the intellectual; and that this is the power upon which he who would act rationally, either in public or private life must have his eye fixed."

Variety said my Tcheky Karyo impression was phenomenal...

You think any athestists dig on modern country music? My guess is not.

I had a dream last night that I went back to college, and started fooling around with a girl, who told me after we had sex that she was seventeen. I woke up next to my pregnant wife with a boner. I'm still sort of fucked up by the whole thing.

Film Criticism I Hate

getting it/not getting it: Sure, there are some instances of this, some I could draw easy links to, it's just films often are open to interpretation. If someone proves to understand a narative for what it is and then doesn't like it, then they get it.

overrated: The lamest criticism in the history of the world. It says nothing, other than it suggests (as the previous does) "others were fooled." Good not great is a better alternative, but suggesting that is the end of the discussion is frustrating beyond words.

And all the people were singin'

Okay, I watched SNL this morning. They had a digital sketch called "Laser Cats," which makes me wonder how long it's going to take SNL to getting around to parodying Snakes on a Plane. But they seem aware of what I think will be the next evolution of comedy films: intentionally bad movies. Take a ludicruous premise and flesh it out to feature length. And who wouldn't want to see a giant elephant do some bullet time kung fu again terrorist planes? "Laser Cats" was exactly like Ali G's "Spies" though PG rated, with the same sort of sloppy editing. Sadly, they copped out on the ending, which should have been Lorne Michaels (having watched the piece of shit) saying 'We gotta turn this into a feature!" and then showing the marquee. This, though, may have been too close to Lorne (producer of such great films as The Ladies Man and Lassie) Michaels hellashitty cinematic career, or the fact that Hollywood is now making these movies. Alas, it will take a leap of faith for a studio to really embrace bad filmmaking. Hopefully, SoaP will change all that.

And the bells were ringin'

The Black Belly of the Tarantula
The Complete Mr. Arkadin
The Damned Dirty Apes!

Aili's brother and his lover are staying with us. I haven't been on much bro-duty excepting yesterday, where we all went out and did some shopping and - smartly - the duo rented a car. As such they were out until three last night, and the wife and I got to have some "quality time" (or, that is, a chance to have sex by ourselves... which was completely obvious from the quotation marks, but I think overexplanation is funny). I've been put in a weird position because Aili can't drink or smoke (well, she can, but she shouldn't), and so I've been about 75% successful in matching her. Three months ago there wasn't a night we wouldn't add to the recycyling bin, and I wonder if this means we're settling down, because it's not like two days after she pops we're going to do some E and drink ourselves unconscious. It isn't painful at all, though, which is nice. And so anyway, I was stuck in a position where I felt I had to join Aili's brother and partner on Friday after our dinner out, because she really can't be tearing it up and I wanted to at least show hospitiableness. I got that weird uncomfortable feeling while out, and it's because I did and didn't want to dance without Aili. It felt sort of rude to her, you know. She's at home, catching up on the Hitchcock box set (it was great to come home and hear that she watched Marnie and loved it), and I'm out clubbing. It felt disrespectful. Which I didn't want to make obvious to her brother, because that would be doubly disrespectful. And of course, he was like "show us your moves, Houxy!" and so I'm dancing with Aili's bro and partner, and it was pretty fun. We got home around 2:30, and Aili was still up, and I was told I could be an honorary fag. So, at least that's something, if the marriage doesn't work out.

What amused to no end is that the moment Aili gets me alone, she starts in with the "honorary fag" business, which of course leads to other things (I've already made the obvious commentary joke once here, and so I'll meta-make the joke here by not making it, which by doing so has meta'd the meta-meta, and if you cook that at 400 degrees it should be ready in 30-35 minutes). And so my wife and I tried to quietly have sex as her brother and partner were obviously trying to do the exact same thing. Thankfully we have two bathrooms, though the water ran out after Aili got her turn. And I'd like to say we went longer. FACE, Aili's brother!

Watching Arkadin, as I did a lot of in the last week, the thing that I love about Welles is the joy he brought to his craft, even in his weaker efforts. He could never stop being Welles. And it's that love of form that I hope I bring to my writing in all its forms. I hope the reader giggles as much reading my stuff as I do writing it. That's the goal.

RotS is almost here, so last pre-game thoughts

I'm seeing it tomorrow at 7 ish, at the Arclight, dunno if it's in digital or not. A good friend passed me the screenplay beforehand, and my expectations are in the gutter. Perhaps that's where they should be, after two films that went from modest to awful. The reports I've heard back have run the gamut, from reading the over-enthusiastic, to Anthony Lane's pithy pith off. It's stunning that even the positives (like A.O. Scott and Roger Ebert), who rave about the project essentially say, "You know, the acting and writing isn't very good" (shout out to the friend who mentioned that previously). On some level, the honest evaluations of the film probably won't and can't be made for quite some time for most people. Because Star Wars always plays with a crowd, and I think a lot of people will walk out with opinions inflated by nostalgia. I'm hoping I don't piss off the people I'm sitting next to if I think the movie stinks to high heaven. At this point I sort of doubt that it will, but I can't raise my expectation, because if I raise them even a little...

And though I have no problem talking about new Star Wars to a certain length, mostly in anticipation, a part of me must acknowledge that when I was in pre-K I hung upside down on the jungle gym (though in that cowardly 4 year old way where you'd still use one hand to support yourself) and tried reaching for my lightsaber, while five years later, I'd have a friend over and we watched Return of the Jedi all night, I think a collected four times before we passed out. If I can find it I will scan in a Polaroid I have of my brother and I in our homemade fort consisting of deck chairs and bean bags, with our Hoth playstation and Speeder, with drawn in lasers where we proudly displayed our action figures. The first two films hold a place for me stronger than simple nostalgia, though, and they are why I keep going back even though some evidence suggests I shouldn't - but what is cynicism except the bitchings of a burned romantic? This though, at least, will be the first time I've paid to see a new Star Wars film since 1999. But no matter how good this is, it's still going have huge problems because the schism Lucas created for himself by essentially destroying the mysteries of the OT, and further polluting them. Plainly and simply, they cannot be watched in the order they've been chaptered. There's no point. Perhaps when Lucas dies someone else could come in and do their version of the PT. It would almost be great to have a Lumiere-esque collection of PT versions, since - as Lucas has proven time and time again - these texts aren't sacred.

I have read some people talking about how this marks a chapter in their life, and to a certain extent, it's going to be a while before cinema develops another franchise of such mythic proportions. But the first Star Wars series was an organic process in comparison, and simply calling it a franchise seems to suggest that it's meaning is minimized... perhaps it is. I can't see this as a chapter, it's just the biggest big summer movie of my adult life, but like most summer films, I expect little of it besides popcorn thrills. Though I love summer movies, they are not where my cinematic heart or interest lies, and it hasn't been since I realized the full power of cinema (not to knock visceral cinema, I still love it). I think after seeing the disaster of Batman, my expectations of big summer entertainment have been rejiggered to fit in context of the usual disapointments, with Spider-Man 2 the rare exception (I can think of few summer movies that have been as good or perfect as it since Die Hard). The Summer season is arguably like St. Valentine's day, something made up to make money, but damn if it doesn't feel good to do something nice for someone you love, be with someone you love on that day regardless. And so sometimes we settle for our Jurassic Parks, and Independence Days, because fun machines can be fun even if (and usually) they are nothing else.

The world has changed immensely since that time, though, those early eighties summers of fare like Ghostbusters and Gremlins, and Temple of Doom (Which may be no better or worse, though is arguably more seminal for someone of my age group), and geekdom has dug out a corner for itself, and is comfortable with its corner, not necessarily wanting or needing guests.

Studios are beginning to understand the meaning of niche marketing, and the success or failure of Serenity (a film made for fans, and pretty much only for fans) opens a door that Star Trek - The Motion Picture didn't. But in this niche-a-fying, ultimately whatever interest I will have in genre pictures will become even more removed, and that's disappointing - Star Wars wasn't genre entertainment, but it sure as hell became it. Escapism comes in many shapes and sizes, but there's escapism that you can go with, and other kinds that make you feel dirty for having seen it, escapism that doesn't seem far removed from Hentai. Escapism that somehow fulfills the escapist with the illusion of leaving self or fulfilling real life fantasies. I like science fiction, and genre material, but I blanche at the dress up factor, and there's an entire section of the population who's more than comfortable with that, and if more and more stuff like this becomes successful, there will be no need to court the crossover audience (and this is where I see the future of Star Trek heading, if they're smart). Like anything that courts a niche, the further it does so, the less it cares about anything but sustaining its faithful. Ultimately you can't make films for genre dabblers in our target-audience driven market, but I think it's going to be a while before someone figures out how to tickle me this way again.

In trouble with the LAW

As you may see below I posted some pictures, hot pictures I might add, of Boba Fett. When I took those pictures Boba was under age, now the NEA wants to take away my funding. That shit was tasteful. And I got hit with a cease and desist. My art stays, fuck the man.

I Don't Really want Feedback, but

I got a letter thanking me for the party last night, and I thought I'd share:

Yo, Damon!
That party last night was off the chains, that shit was off the hizook, for shiznook! I Come from the Galapagos Islands and am a Gigantic Sea Turtle! Your Blog is pretty cool for the partying, but it seems like you take the drugs! Please do not take the drugs, the drugs are bad for you! I got laid last night on your blog and I did not take the drugs! It was with a horshoe crab! I Come from the Galapagos Islands and am a Gigantic Sea Turtle!

Thanks Again!
G.I.G.S.T.

Well, Gigst, I do not take the drugs. My anti-drug is poetry. Some day I will share some with you.

Show me your Blue Steel! 

Give me More, you dirty Slut! 

More... More... Less. Now think of a tree... on fire!

Shake it, Boba, Shake, shake your money maker.

What the fuck are you still doing here?

The Party's over. Get out, I've got work in the morning.

Okay, well, you can sleep it off here, if you have to. Read this, and see how 19 and 25 = 143

http://www.thefilmjournal.com/issue12/directors.html

Dearest Reader, You're invited to a Party!

A Party on my blog!

Shake it out!

Woo hoo!

\m/ \m/

My Blog: The happiest place on Planet Earth.